Imposter Syndrome?
I am a pop-psychology fiend. I lap the stuff up. Brene Brown—take all my money, Simon Sinek—change my mind, Mel Robbins–transform my life! In recent months there’s been a theme that keeps coming out in the pop-psychology space called ‘Imposter Syndrome’. I’ve heard about it enough times to self-diagnose myself with it, you know, like how my itchy scalp means I’ve got ringworm (I literally just Googled ‘itchy scalp’ and Dr. Google straight up told me I have ringworm—praise be—time for a new shampoo).
But what is Imposter Syndrome? And how do I know if I have it?
Verywell Mind says, “Imposter Syndrome is loosely defined as doubting your abilities and feeling like a fraud. It disproportionately affects high-achieving people, who find it difficult to accept their accomplishments. Many question whether they’re deserving of accolades. To put it simply, Imposter Syndrome is the experience of feeling like a phony—you feel as though at any moment you are going to be found out as a fraud—like you don’t belong where you are, and you only got there through dumb luck. It can affect anyone no matter their social status, work background, skill level, or degree of expertise.”
They go on to share common signs of Imposter Syndrome:
An inability to realistically assess your competence and skills
Attributing your success to external factors
Berating your performance
Fear that you won’t live up to expectations
Self-doubt
Setting very challenging goals and feeling disappointed when you fall short
They say, “While for some people, impostor syndrome can fuel feelings of motivation to achieve, this usually comes at a cost in the form of constant anxiety. You might over-prepare or work much harder than necessary to ‘make sure’ that nobody finds out you are a fraud.”
Ever done anything for the first time? Were you nervous? Did you completely nail the thing the first time round? I suspect not. My view on Imposter Syndrome is that I feel like we conflate it with the anxiety that comes with doing things that are new or that we are still growing in.
In 2021, I co-authored a book with social researcher McCrindle called ‘Generation Alpha’. This was the first non-fiction book that I was involved in that was going to be on proper bookshelves in actual book stores all around the world—I guess what I’m saying here is that it wasn’t a fantasy! Now, imagine this with me, you’re invited to help write a book about topics you know nothing about and you’re paid to do so. How would you feel? Let me answer that for you—you’d feel scared and out of your depth, but because you want to write, you do it anyway. And after two years of writing and one international book deal later, if you asked me if I struggled with Imposter Syndrome I would answer you—no. But the no would come with a caveat…
Did I doubt my abilities? Yes.
Did I have flashbacks of nearly failing English Literature at high school? Yes.
Did I show up anyway? Yes.
Did I do my best with the limitations I had? Yes.
Was it easy? No.
Would I do it again? Yes.
Friend, I just wonder if sometimes we label things that are not, as though they are. It’s hard doing something you’ve never done before. It’s scary to shoulder the weight that comes with an international book deal from a highly regarded publisher (Um…Hachette Livre delivered a revenue of US$2.7 billion in 2020—no big deal). It’s ok to feel the fear and anxiety. In my case, I acknowledged the feelings of doubt I held, took a deep breath and started to eat the whale. Because how do you eat a whale? One bite at a time. And how do you write a book? One word at a time or ‘bird by bird’ as Anne Lamott so eloquently puts it in her book of the same name. So that’s what I committed to doing and when I ran out of words, facing a topic I didn’t know enough about, I did two things—I researched and I put my hand up for help, acknowledging my limits; oh and actually I did a third thing, I had a break.
In early 2021 as I was proofreading the fourth or fifth edit that had come back from the publisher I remember saying, “I am so proud of myself.” Until that point I had never said that to myself. Never. I actually needed it, because with it came a tremendous amount of satisfaction and a boost of confidence that I can do it—I can write books. It’s now something I’ve incorporated into my life—to recognise moments of achievement and of personal growth and pat my own back and cheer myself on.
It’s a challenge with art, to judge or assess our competency realistically, which is why in my writing, I need to get feedback from other writers, editors and industry professionals. But look, I wasn’t a published author up until 2021. Was I an imposter up until that point? No, I was a jobbing writer. Did I feel like a phony? Sometimes, yes, but I wasn’t faking it—I was doing the work of a writer, which led to me becoming a published author.
There are enough challenges to getting started in your art, or even to continue when you’re feeling flat, so maybe don’t set yourself up for failure before you’ve begun by diagnosing yourself with Imposter Syndrome. “Cogito, ergo sum.” This is a Latin phrase by French philosopher Rene Descarte. You may not have heard the Latin, but I suspect you’ll be familiar with the English translation, “I think, therefore I am.” So if you step into a new job or project with Imposter Syndrome echoing around your mind, it may well affect your feelings and your work negatively. Now, please don’t get me wrong—there are times where we feel out of our depth, that’s ok, just keep swimming—you can doggy paddle, it doesn't have to be an Olympian-style butterfly stroke.
But on top of the doggy paddle, or treading water, might I suggest a few other terms to replace Imposter Syndrome? How about ‘student of my craft’ or ‘learner’ or ‘young in my craft’ or even, ‘new’? None of us are born experts, you don’t burst out of your mum a Nobel prize winning physicist! Be kind to yourself, be gracious to yourself and allow yourself to grow into your art. My firm belief, you’re probably not an imposter, you’ve got this—you’re just learning.
Don’t fake it ‘til you make it; face it.
PS Check out my conversation on ‘So You Think You Want to be a Writer’ to learn about the challenge I faced writing ‘Generation Alpha’.
